My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize