Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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