if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
