Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
