You're completely useless in the revolution.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
