A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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