her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I lost the right to judge tonight
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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