you have to choose: penises or morals?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
