apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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