what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
