You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
