Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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