a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You may now shotgun with the bride
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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