i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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