First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
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So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.