This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”