$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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