so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
