Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
