Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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