I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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