just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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