I hate all girls vehemently.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
