sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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