Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
