I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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