This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
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I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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