That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name