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and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Randomize
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