Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me