There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
