OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard