I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day