He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
