They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
