what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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