just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
