I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
