so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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