Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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