Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Drake has all the answers
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
