I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
