he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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