Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do vagina's smell?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
