You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
that is very illegal...i love you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
