So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
