apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I cut my penus on the lid.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
