Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
