remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
