i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
