you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
