wat bout pragnant strippers??
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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