My boss' voice literally gives me gas
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
