and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
