your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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