everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
