my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
