he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
