honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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