Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
