i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
