I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
