i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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