He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
